The Rabbit Sage
by youflesh840
Summary: A calm, lazy Naruto, who wants nothing more than to live a boring and peaceful life, gets offered the rabbit summoning contract. The rabbits seem great at first - a creature just as lazy as Naruto himself. Read as Naruto learns the secrets of the rabbit clan, and becomes an excellent shinobi.
1. Chapter 1

Naruto had his entire life figured out. He would become a ninja, become one of those eternal genin, while gradually convincing the rest of Konoha that he was mostly harmless, and eventually retire and become one of those old men who fed the ducks and played shogi in the park. There was only one problem – he had yet to graduate the academy, and was growing doubtful that he would ever manage it. Oh well. He would just become a carpenter or something. Maybe move out of the leaf.

Naruto rolled over on the ground, looking at the sky through his shades. If there was one thing Naruto liked, it was laying on the ground and enjoying the warmth. It wasn't watching the clouds per say- it was really just him being really comfortable and enjoying life. Suddenly, he felt something land on his chest. Naruto then realized that the thing was suspiciously warm. Naruto raised his head. There was a rabbit on his chest.

Naruto laid his head back against the ground. The rabbit would probably warm him up a bit. That was fine with him. The rabbit observed the human for a second. This was probably the only human lazy enough for the job.

"You have passed the test," said the rabbit, in a deep baritone.

"The what now?" asked Naruto, as he looked around, before realizing that the rabbit had been the one who was talking. "Bothersome."

The rabbit made some odd clicking noises. Naruto eventually realized that it was laughing. The rabbit stopped, and Naruto laid his head back onto the ground, determined to get a few more seconds of rest before the rabbit did something troublesome. The rabbit didn't say anything either. Naruto wondered if he had found a creature just as lazy as he was. Eventually, they both fell back asleep.

Naruto eventually woke up, to find the rabbit grazing nearby. Naruto stood up, brushing the grass off of his clothes, and turned to the rabbit. "So, what was that test again?"

"Oh. That. Well," said the rabbit, "I don't suppose you would like to become a rabbit summoner?"

"Well," said Naruto, "Not particularly, but I'm not very well versed in summoning contracts."

The rabbit looked at him for a couple seconds. "You know, the rabbit summoning lands, the Plains Burrows are surrounded by some exceptionally soft grass."

Naruto perked up a bit. "Well, I don't know…"

The rabbit thought for a bit. "You don't even have to do anything, and you can just visit whenever you want."

"Wait," said Naruto. "Why would you even want me as a summoner if you don't want me to do anything?"

"Well," said the rabbit, "The rabbit clan burrows are surrounded by other tribes of marsupials, and they have been encroaching on our land for quite a while. Anyway, most rabbits decided that a human summoner would scare them a little."

Naruto blinked. "Wait, would you guys actually fight other summons if the opportunity arose?"

The rabbit laughed. "Of course not! The rabbit clan specializes in more… peaceful tasks. So if you ever need us to get rid of some weeds or eat some grass, you can count on us."

"Wait, so why would I do this again?" asked Naruto.

"Well," said the rabbit, "if its ninja skills you want, you can always check our extensive clan library. We also have a very helpful sage mode."

"Sage mode?" asked Naruto.

"Yeah," said the rabbit. "the idea is that you draw in specialized natural energy, giving you a near infinite supply of chakra, and also various benefits depending on the clan."

"Oh." Said Naruto. "Well, alright, I guess. I suppose I can do some reading in the clan library, and occasionally glare at other marsupials."

Naruto also didn't mind the thought of having an army of rabbits to keep his lawn in order.

"Cool," said the rabbit. "Now, sign this contract." The rabbit pulled a large scroll out of its fur.

"How did you do that?" asked Naruto.

"Do what?" asked the rabbit.

"Pull the scroll out of your fur, of course," said Naruto.

"Fuinjutsu," said the rabbit. "Now, are you going to sign this or what?"

"Sure," said Naruto, as he unrolled the summoning contract.

The summoning contract was nearly as tall as Naruto was, and had golden handle, instead of the wooden ones Naruto was used to seeing on scrolls. The scroll was also covered in intricate drawings, mostly of rabbits, but there was also a couple of extensive battle scenes, a couple of which portrayed an enormous monster with ten large tails. It was the most beautiful scroll Naruto had ever seen.

"Woah," said Naruto. "This is beautiful."

The rabbit nodded. "We pride ourselves on our large territory and our beautiful summoning scroll."

Naruto nodded and looked at the scroll.

"Well, hurry up," said the rabbit.

Naruto was faintly embarrassed. "I forgot my pen."

The rabbit sighed. "There's one sealed into the handle."

Naruto nodded and pulled a surprisingly normal looking pen, which was already covered in ink.

"There was a fancy pen, once, but the previous summoner lost it at some point," said the rabbit.

Naruto nodded and wrote his name. There was only one other name on the scroll.

Kaguya Ōtsutsuki


	2. Chapter 2

"All right, it looks like you have summoning down pretty well," said a rabbit. All rabbits acted pretty much the same, so Naruto found remembering their names too bothersome.

Unfortunately, though, despite his laziness, Naruto's curiosity often got in the way of his sleeping-on-the-grass time. Naruto turned to the rabbit. "So why don't I need a blood sacrifice to summon rabbits?"

The rabbit sighed at having to do some more explaining. "Rabbits are an extremely nonviolent species, and most of us, well, the grown ones at least, will avoid anything to do with violence, including fighting, and blood. Thus, we eventually found a way to avoid using blood for summoning purposes."

Naruto blinked. "That makes sense, I guess."

The rabbit nodded but continued explaining anyway. It was necessary for the summoner to know these things, even if explaining was troublesome. "Theoretically, it shouldn't even be possible for humans to summon rabbits. We're just too different in mentality, and genetics. This is why your genes get slightly altered when you get the rabbit contract- it makes us more compatible."

Naruto looked horrified, but before he could protest, the rabbit quickly added "This only changes your chakra, and enhances parts of your body. You'll be identical to before, except with slightly better hearing, and other enhancements depending on your genetics and location."

Naruto nodded. "Well, I'm okay with that, I guess, although this whole situation is a bit too bothersome for my tastes."

"Okay," said the rabbit. "Well, I suppose the time has come for you to prove yourself worthy of the rabbit clan with the final test."

With that last statement, Naruto's blood ran cold. The rabbit chuckled inwardly, and led Naruto towards a gathering of other rabbits.

A small rabbit which was sitting on a tree trunk looked at Naruto carefully.

"Well, summoner, are you ready for the test?"

Naruto nodded nervously, as all the rabbits looked at him in a predatory manner. Would he have to fight all the rabbits at once? Kill someone? Do a strange ritual?

"You must achieve the impossible task of…" Naruto's heart nearly stopped at the mention of 'impossible test', but decided to give it his best shot anyway.

"…of…"

Naruto began sweating.

"…eating an entire bowl of salad." Finished the rabbit, and passes forwards a bowl filled with tree leaves.

Naruto blinked.

He eventually reasoned that the rabbits were probably just too lazy to have a more difficult test for him.

As Naruto ate the salad, he felt his hearing getting better, and his vision sharpening. He also felt the amount of chakra he had increase by a little. As he picked the leaves, more leaves came to view underneath them, but Naruto kept eating them anyway. Naruto felt his chakra increase even more, and begin fluctuating out of control, as well as a stinging sensation in his eyes, ears, and forehead, but he still reached into the bowl for another leaf, before collapsing to the ground. The bowl was just as full as it had been when he started.

* * *

"Well, that was surprising," said one of the rabbits.

"Indeed," said another. "No ordinary human would've managed to eat that many leaves."

Another rabbit gave him a long sniff. "This human contains nine tails of yang natured corrupt chakra, shinju in origin."

"I always thought that the shinju was dead."

"Likewise, although it seems it was simply split up and contained."

"Interesting. We'll have to ask our summoner when he wakes up.

* * *

Naruto woke up on a comfortable bed of grass, and wondered if he had fallen asleep outside again, before realizing that the grass was a bit too soft, and that there was more weight on his chest that usual. As the events of the previous day came back to him, he realized that there were several small rabbits sleeping on his chest.

As he started stretching, Naruto realized that he was actually lying on a large amount of green fur. Upon further observation, it became clear that said fur was actually a giant, green rabbit.

"How long was I out?" asked Naruto.

The rabbit shrugged. "A little under a day."

Naruto swore and jumped off the rabbit. He was definitely going to be late for the academy.

The rabbit shuddered. "Oh, by the way, are you aware that you contain nine tails of demonic chakra?"

Naruto stared at the rabbit, as the pieces were connecting in his head, before swearing even more. A small trickle of blood came out of the rabbit's ears.

"We can talk about this later- I'm going to be late for the academy."

* * *

Iruka continued his lecture: "The Hyuuga are one of the two major clans of Konoha, because of their impressive bloodline limit- the Byankugan. The Byankugan is a doujutsu which manifests only in the Hyuuga clan as a while, eye without any of the usual distinctions. Let's see, are there any… yes, if you'll look at Hinata, she has the Byankugan."

Everyone looked at Hinata, who blushed and hid her face.

"The Hyuuga guard their Byankugan jealously, and any supposed bloodline theft is quickly put down by them, either by assassination, or by application of the caged bird seal. A good-"

The bell rang, and everyone made their escape from the classroom while Iruka yelled what the homework was.

Naruto went to the bathroom. He hadn't shaven in a couple days, and his whisker marks were making a slow return. When he took off his sunglasses, however, he didn't see the sky-blue eyes he normally would. Instead, he saw the distinctive white of the Byankugan. It seemed the gene altercation did change his appearance somewhat, after all.

Naruto would need some emotional support.

* * *

"Naruto," said Iruka, "why is there a rabbit on your head?"

"Oh, no reason," said Naruto.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto was so distracted with his thoughts over the Byakugan, that he bumped into someone while walking away from the academy.

"Oh, sorry about that," said Naruto distantly.

"How dare you touch the noble personage of- is that a rabbit on your head?" The speaker was a male Hyuga a little older than Naruto.

Naruto placed a hand on the rabbit. "So it is."

"Never mind, it is not my fate to associate with people… unworthy of me."

"Fate?" asked Naruto.

"Yes," said the Hyuga. "You are fated to be a weak ninja, unworthy of my association."

Naruto raised his eyebrows, finding argument to be too bothersome. "Who are you fated to be?"

The Hyuga thought for a second, before responding. "I am doomed to be a servant of the main house forever."

"Oh," said Naruto. "Is that really preferable to being a weak ninja?"

The Hyuga descended even deeper into thought. Naruto shrugged "my name is Naruto. See you around!"

"Wait"

"Hmm?"

"My name is Neji."

"Hey, Neji-sama, how do you turn on your Byakugan?" Naruto usually didn't bother with honorifics, but Neji seemed to like it when people were respectful to him. Which was, to Naruto, understandable, considering how he was raised.

"Oh, there's a series of handseals to activate it, although with enough practice, you can do it without handseals," said Neji.

"Really?" asked Naruto. "What are they?"

"Here, let me show you," said Neji, as he showed Naruto the handsigns.

Before Naruto could do the handsigns, the rabbit on his head flashed through them.

"Woah! I can see everything! Bwahaha-" the rabbit ran out of chakra and collapsed.

Naruto blinked as the rabbit fell off his head. Naruto caught the rabbit, as it reverse summoned itself.

"Naruto… why does that rabbit have the Byakugan?"

"Eh, my summons do all sorts of troublesome things."

Neji looked like he wanted to say something, before he sighed, closed his mouth, opened it again and said "for someone who claims to hate bothersome things, you sure are pretty bothersome."

Naruto nodded. "I was actually planning on making myself less bothersome, but then your wise teachings of fate sunk in, and I decided not to try."

Neji opened and closed his mouth again. "Naruto, enough talking. Let us review the three core principles of my teachings of fate."

Normally, Naruto wouldn't bother to learn Neji's ideology. However, for all Naruto's laziness, he still needed some amusement in his life, and he found that few things were more amusing than spreading Neji's teachings about fate. "Yes, Neji-sensei-sama."

Neji raised his eyebrows.

Naruto realized, at some point, that he could mold the younger rabbits to be less lazy about ninja training than the older rabbits. And also less lazy in general. Neji ended up teaching the rabbits, and by extension, Naruto, the Gentile Fist. It turned out that, not only did rabbits have scrolls on gentile fist techniques, they were also more adept at using it than Neji and Naruto. In a strange twist of fate, Neji turned out to be the least adept at the gentile fist. Thus leading to Naruto rolling on the ground, laughing, as a rabbit the size of his palm kicked the sherbet ice cream out of Neji.

"Alright," said another rabbit, who's name Naruto didn't bother to remember, "to access the Kyuubi, try to meditate while leaning against that tree over there."

The tree in question was an ordinary looking maple tree, which, while a bit on the small side, was the only tree in the vast plains that made up the rabbit summons' land.

"Wait," said Naruto. "Why would I ever want to meet the Kyuubi?"

"To keep an eye on the seal, in case it breaks while you're eating lunch or something."

Naruto decided that there were few things more bothersome than an enormous demon lord bursting out of his stomach while he was eating his lunch. "Fine, I'll do it."

Naruto blinked, and appeared in front of an enormous cage. "That was easy. I was expecting this to be more bothersome."

An enormous fox demon glowered down at him as the area was flooded with so much killing intent that Naruto crumpled to the ground. As the fox fired some strange chakra projectile against the cage, Naruto decided that he jinxed himself. How bothersome.

The fox, meanwhile, twitched around rapidly, before the image of a sharingan appeared and then disappeared from it's eyes. The fox then collapsed.

Naruto stared at the demon, before picking himself off the ground. "I wouldn't normally ask this, but are you okay?"

The demon looked at Naruto. "What happened. Where's my yin half?"

Naruto stared at the Kyuubi. "What do you mean by 'yin half?'"

The Kyuubi looked Naruto in the eyes. "I was sitting in my seal, before someone suddenly ripped me out of it and stared at me using a pair of sharingan. The next thing I know, I wake up in a different seal, staring at a blonde boy, and missing all of my yin natured chakra."

Naruto stared at the Kyuubi. "You attacked the village twelve years ago, after which the hokage killed you and died."

Naruto and the Kyuubi stared at each other, both equally confused.

The Kyuubi was talking to one of the rabbits that Naruto had pulled into his mindscape. Apparently, Naruto could transport things in and out of the seal. The seal was now used mostly to store his clothes, and academy work.

Anyway, back to the conversation between the giant ancient demon lord, and the oversized rabbit.

"I'm quite surprised," said the Kyuubi. "I assumed that being entirely composed of yang chakra would drive me into a mindless rage."

The rabbit nodded. "That it probably would. However, Naruto's body is currently in contact with the sacred rabbit tree."

"The sacred rabbit tree?" asked the Kyuubi.

"Oh, yeah. The sacred rabbit tree is what remains of the body of the shinju. The shinju was the source of several bloodlines, all of which could calm a biju."

The Kyuubi nodded. "The mokuton, sharingan, rinnegan, and chakra chains, right?"

The rabbit coughed. "Actually, the byakugan can also calm the Biju."

Naruto and the Kyuubi both looked at the rabbit. Naruto spoke first. "Then why didn't the Hyuga stop you while you were rampaging?"

The Kyuubi nodded its assent. "In all my years, a byakugan has never been used on me like that."

The rabbit shook its head. "The byakugan does so much more than just see chakra pathways. The byakugan greats ridiculous control over one's chakra, as well as the most powerful sensory technique in the world."

"Really?" asked Naruto. "I've never heard about any of that."

The rabbit shrugged. "You probably have. Seeing in every technique at once is actually the result of a powerful sensory technique."

"As fascinating as this is," said the Kyuubi, "I don't get how any of this lets the Byakugan control the Biju."

"Ah, one of the most esoteric powers of the byakugan is its ability to control the chakra of others. And because the Biju are primarily composed of chakra…"

The Kyuubi looked appropriately horrified.

"Where can I learn how to do all these cool things?" asked Naruto.

"The appropriate books are in the library."

Everyone in Konoha felt a shiver run through their collective spine.

Omake: Naruto meets Tenten

Tenten gasped as she saw Neji walking beside a blonde boy a year younger than her. Neji made a friend! An actual friend!

"Neji, who's this friend of yours?"

The blonde boy looked at her for a second. "Neji, is this one of your weak teammates? She is fated to be weak. Do you willingly associate with such… peasants?"

Tenten stared at the blonde in such intense disappointment that said blonde began to look quite uncomfortable.

She sighed. "I honestly don't know what I was expecting."


	4. Chapter 4

One of the most awesome aspects of the Byakugan was it's effect on the users chakra control. Apparently, the more familiar you were with your chakra, the easier it was to control. Thus, the days that Naruto formerly spent lazing around, looking at the sky, were now spent lazing around with the Byakugan activated, looking at his own chakra. This was, in fact, just as relaxing as looking at the sky was, and Naruto felt the great increase in chakra control by how much more precise his gentile fist strikes were. Anyway, Naruto was lazing around one day, when suddenly, some weird Jonin arrived at the park he usually lay in. Normally, very few people entered the park. This was because of that odd hatred they had towards Naruto. At any rate, Naruto took advantage of that fact by finding the most comfortable park in Konoha, and then inhabiting it, causing it to become completely empty. Anyway, the Jonin was entering the park anyway.

Naruto viewed the Jonin cautiously through his Byakugan. The Jonin looked around, and then summoned a dog.

How fascinating. Naruto had never heard of dog summons before. Why on earth would anyone want to summon dogs? They were too weak to be effective at combat, and they didn't do anything useful, such as cutting the grass. The Jonin let the dog smell a piece of fabric, and the dog then began walking directly in Naruto's direction. The dog then paused, stilled, and lunged for Naruto's Emotional Support Rabbit.

"Secret Hyuga Art: Gentile Kick to the Groin"

The Rabbit shivered and climbed on top of the head of its' Emotional Support Human.

As Kakashi watched Pakkun get kicked away by use of a secret Hyuga art, he couldn't help but wonder if the academy instructors were lying when they marked him as a lazy, inattentive student.

He then wondered where Naruto had gained access to a secret Hyuga technique, and then wondered why the Hyuga had a secret technique for kicking people in the groin. Kakashi made a mental note to not mess with Hinata.

He then turned to the boy he had been looking for. "Care to explain why you missed the team meeting?"

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Team meeting?"

"Yes," said Kakashi, slowly, as if talking to an idiot. "You were added to team seven, where you not?"

"I thought teams were for people who passed the academy."

How did the kid not know this? "You did pass the academy," said Kakashi.

Naruto laughed. "I did? I didn't even show up!"

Kakashi stared in horror as he realized that the academy instructors were not, in fact, lying, when they marked him as a lazy, inattentive student.

"I supposed I get a forehead protector now," said Naruto, before he stole Pakkun's.

Kakashi continued staring at him, before finally saying "Show up at training ground seven, at six in the morning."

Naruto nodded, before laying back on the ground, placing his Emotional Support Rabbit on his face, and activating his Byakugan.

* * *

Sakura and Sasuke arrived at training ground seven at six in the morning, only to find their other teammate already there.

"Sasuke-kun! Is Naruto… asleep?"

"Is that a bunny on his face?"

"Technically, it's a rabbit," Naruto spoke from under the rabbit.

"…"

"So," said Naruto, "I suppose you guys are my teammates."

* * *

Kakashi walked into the training field.

"Hello, my cute little genin!"

Sasuke and Sakura glared at him. Naruto continued laying on the ground, finding a response to be too troublesome.

"Now, here are the rules for the test. Anyone who gets a bell off me passes." Kakashi dangled two bells.

Naruto continued to lay on the ground, but said "Sasuke and Sakura can have the bells."

"I don't want your pity, dobe."

"If Sasuke-kun doesn't get a bell, then I won't take one either."

Kakashi stared at them all for a second. "You all pass!"

"What?"

* * *

"Emo, do you copy?"

"Yes"

"How dare you call Sasuke-kun tha-"

"Pinky, do you copy?"

"Yes"

"Sleepy, do you copy?"

A brief snore transferred through the radio.

"Dammit Naruto!"

Naruto lay in the clearing, watching his own chakra. Maybe missions wouldn't be so bad if they were all like this.

Tora walked over to Naruto, and lay down on top of his chest.

* * *

Team seven was walking dogs. Sakura had a small dog. Sasuke was being dragged around by a large dog, and a medium-sized dog was walking obediently behind Naruto, stalking his emotional support rabbit.

Kakashi was reading and giggling, but also surprised at how well Naruto managed to do, despite being so lazy.

* * *

Kakashi ordered a fence painting mission. Lets see Naruto get out of this one.

Kakashi returned to find Naruto sleeping beside a resting Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto's side of the fence was actually painted, but Sasuke's wasn't.

"Sasuke, I'm very disappointed in you. Why haven't you painted your part of the fence?"

"Hn. I did."

"Then why isn't that part of the fence painted?"

"Because that's Naruto's part."

"No, I told Naruto to tell you that that was your part."

"So I've been painting Naruto's fence all along… dobe I'm gonna kill you!"

Sasuke charged at Naruto.

"Secret Hyu-"

Kakashi immediately stepped in to save Sasuke. Clearly, more work would be needed to get Naruto to do something.

* * *

"Team seven requesting a C - rank mission."


	5. Chapter 5

Tazuna walked into the room.

"Is this the protection detail I get? An emo, a pinky, a cyclops and-" Tazuna paused "…Is that kid asleep?"

"Nah, I'm just gazing at the ceiling. While lying on the floor."

Tazuna stared at him, the wind take out of his sails somewhat. "Anyways, is this, uh-"

The Third turned his amused expression towards Tazuna. "I'm sure these promising young ninjas will be good enough to protect you."

Tazuna nodded, and gave Naruto another look.

Kakashi turned towards everyone. "Meet me at the front gate at seven."

Everyone left, except for Naruto.

"Naruto…"

"Hmm?"

"Get off of the floor and get out of my office!"

Naruto slowly crawled out the window.

"I swear, it's like Kushina had an affair with a Nara."

* * *

Tazuna, and a bored Kakashi-less team seven, were bored out of their minds, until Tazuna decided to start telling them stories.

"No, really, I once built a bridge over two miles long."

"Oh, yeah?" asked the rabbit. "Because I once built a bridge over two hundred miles long."

"Why on earth would you build a bridge over two hundred miles long?" asked Naruto.

"Kaguya made us. She wanted to connect the Land of the Whirlpools to the mainland."

Tazuna, taking Naruto's implicit acceptance of the rabbit's story, immediately recognized a superior bridge builder.

"What kind of bridge was it? How long did it take you to build? How did you make it resistant to storms? What materials did you use for the base?"

The rabbit blinked. "Oh, I only helped pour concrete for one of the bases."

"Wait," said Naruto. "So you guys can build stuff too? Why didn't you mention that?"

"We don't like building things," said the rabbit. "It's too bothersome."

Naruto nodded sagely.

"Wait," said Sakura, "In that case, why did you build the bridge?"

"It was Kaguya's birthday, and we told her that we would give her anything she wanted."

Naruto laughed. "And she had you build a two-hundred-mile-long bridge?"

The rabbit looked annoyed, so it stopped talking, and eventually fell back asleep on Naruto's face. Tazuna sunk into thought about a two-hundred-mile-long bridge. Sasuke began brooding, and Sakura fell asleep.

It was at this point that Kakashi arrived.

"Yo!"

Sakura was up in an instant. "You're late!"

"Well, you see," said Kakashi, "I was holding the door for an old lady at that old Akimichi restaurant, when I realized that there were fifty other old ladies following her in, and it would be rude not to hold the door for them too."

Naruto giggled. "Maybe they were fangirls stalking an old crush. Sasuke, that will be you one day."

"Naruto-baka, don't encourage him!"

"Lets get going, now shall we? It would be most despicable of us if we made Tazuna late," said Kakashi.

Sakura cracked her knuckles, but apparently decided that attacking Kakashi would be too difficult for her to enjoy.

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei!" yelled Sakura, as she watched him get shredded by a chain.

Naruto decided that now would be a good time to take a nap.

"Naruto-baka! Of all the times to take a nap!"

A missing ninja from Kirigakure charged at Tazuna, before tripping over Naruto. Unfortunately, both missing ninjas were connected by a chain, so when Meizu tripped and his arm snapped back, he pulled Gozu towards himself as well. The missing ninjas crashed into each other, and accidently poisoned each other while trying to separate themselves.

Kakashi slowly walked out of the trees, still having difficulty processing the fact that Naruto had taken out two missing ninjas by sleeping.

"Kakashi-sensei!" yelled Sakura. "You're alive!"

"Of course I'm alive," said Kakashi with an eye smile.

Sasuke stared at Naruto. "Did Naruto faint?"

"Nah, I just got tired of walking."

Naruto got tired of walking no less than five times on the trip to the wave.

"Naruto-baka!" yelled Sakura, as she and Sasuke knelt down beside Naruto after yet another tired-of-walking spell.

Kakashi pushed Tazuna down as a sword flew overhead.

"Zabuza Momochi. Also known as the demon of the mist."

"Kakashi of the Sharingan."

"Let the battle commence-"

Naruto snored.

Zabuza, irritated by that idiotic Genin, released his killing intent. Sasuke looked terrified, before he snuggled up to Naruto's Emotional Support Rabbit. Sakura followed his example.

Zabuza stared. "Kakashi, did all of your students seriously fall asleep?"

"I'm meditating, not sleeping," yelled Sasuke unhappily.

Sakura and Naruto snored in unison.

* * *

Naruto stood up. "Okay, that's enough resting for now."

Kakashi stared at him from inside his water prison.

Zabuza considered forming water clones, but decided that it wouldn't be worth the effort. He could just impale those lazy students with shuriken.

Zabuza launched three shuriken, one at each student. Neither of them could move fast enough to dodge, especially as two of them were laying on the ground.

Suddenly, the Emotional Support Rabbit moved at ridiculous speeds, and deflected all three of them with a single strike.

"…a rabbit?" Zabuza laughed.

"How dare you!" yelled the Emotional Support Rabbit, furious at being underestimated. "Secret Hyuga Art: Gentle Kick to the Groin!"

Zabuza collapsed to the ground, cursing like a sailor. Kakashi stepped out of the collapsing water prison, as several needles embedded themselves in Zabuza's neck.

Kakashi collapsed from the strain of chakra exhaustion.

Naruto smiled. "I'm glad they decided that fighting was too troublesome. Seems like they both took my advice about resting."

Sasuke stared at Naruto, as said boy placed Zabuza and Kakashi next to each other, before falling asleep, using Zabuza's sword as a pillow.

He was eventually joined by a groggy Sakura, as well as some random hunter-ninja who discovered that a nap didn't sound like such a bad idea.

Sasuke stared at the sleeping ninjas. This was going to be a long mission.

* * *

**Omake**

"Nara-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Troublesome."

"Don't say that all the time, Dattebane!"


	6. Chapter 6

"…you all don't understand suffering!" yelled Inari.

Everyone stared at Inari, before Naruto gave a snore, causing Inari to stomp off.

"Is his sleep a medical condition of some sort?" asked Tsunami.

"No," said Sakura. "He's just really lazy."

"All right," said Tsunami. "Next question: Is that a bunny on his head?"

"Yeah," said Sasuke.

"Actually," said Sakura, "I think it's technically a rabbit."

* * *

"I think that that hunter ninja… Naruto, wake up, this is important!"

"Bothersome."

Kakashi sighed, before realizing that this was his chance to get Naruto to actually do some work. "Time for some training!"

With Naruto having insanely large chakra reserves, the most difficult thing for him would probably be a chakra control exercise.

* * *

"This is easy," exclaimed Sakura.

"Right you are," said Naruto. "Kakashi-sensei, I can't believe you brought us all the way out here for this."

Kakashi stared at Naruto in shock.

_I must've misjudged him. I suppose he has very low chakra reserves then, otherwise he wouldn't have such good chakra control._

"Lets see how long you can stay attached to the tree, then," said Kakashi.

Sakura ran out of chakra and fell off about two minutes in. Kakashi let Naruto leave when he began sleeping on the vertical surface.

* * *

"What happened?" Tazuna frantically asked one of his dying workers.

"A d-d-demon!" The worker flopped to the ground, dead.

Naruto narrowed his eyes, before summoning his emotional support rabbit.

The rabbit cracked its tail menacingly.

Zabuza began sweating.

Naruto handed the rabbit a kunai.

"Wait!" yelled Zabuza. "I surrender! This is too much!"

Zabuza ran off, sobbing, followed by a somewhat disturbed "hunter ninja".

* * *

"Haha, suckers!" yelled Gato, triumphantly. "I was just waiting for you and Zabuza to weaken each other before I killed both of you. Speaking of which, where is Zabuza? Never mind, I'll just have my thugs kill all of you."

Everyone looked expectantly at the rabbit on Naruto's head.

* * *

Tazuna struck a dramatic pose. "I hereby name this bridge the Great Naruto's Rabbit Bridge!"

* * *

The Hokage looked mildly amused. "Well, I suppose getting a bridge named after your pet rabbit is somewhat of an achievement."

Naruto shrugged. "I really don't care very much about that stuff."

* * *

The spectators were going wild. It was time for the epic showdown between Naruto and Neji.

Neji glared at Naruto. "You are always fated to loose against me!"

"That's true," started Naruto. "But who said I'm the one facing you?"

The rabbit jumped off of Naruto's head.

"Proctor, I forfeit."

* * *

"Naruto," said the Sandaime. "You fared well through your matches only thanks to your summon, and you slept through the entire invasion, even after the genjutsu was cancelled. Thus, you will not be promoted to Chunin."

Naruto nodded.

"Now, can you summon that rabbit of yours? Thank you. Mister, uh, bunny, for your superb performance in the Chunin exams, I am promoting you to Jounin."

Unfortunately, rabbits hated to be mixed up with bunnies, and Naruto's emotional support rabbit took its frustrations out on the Sandaime.

* * *

"Naruto, since the Sandaime was, uh, educated on the differences between bunnies and rabbits, we need a new Hokage. Want to come with me?"

"No."

"I'll teach you a new technique!"

"Still no. Feel free to teach it to my rabbit though."

"Naruto come with me right now, or I'll send you on missions to help rebuild Konoha."

"I'm coming."

* * *

"Uzumaki Naruto, you will come with us," said an odd, red-eyed man.

"Never!" said Naruto, from his place on the hotel bed.

"Lets chop off his legs-"

"Wait. I know how to deal with his kind. Naruto, we'll carry you there."

"…Okay."

* * *

Naruto yawned.

The Akatsuki stared at him.

"I didn't think anyone could survive having their biju extracted."

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"If you're such a good boy," said Naruto, "can you help me fake my death?"

Tobi started sweating.

* * *

Naruto lay on the soft grass of the summon realm. This was great! He should've tried this ages ago.

Meanwhile: "We hereby declare Naruto's rabbit to be the sixth Hokage of Konoha!"

The rabbit was mostly buried in the enormous Hokage hat.

* * *

**AN: Alright, I find myself facing a huge writer's block. I hope these little scenes will provide you with some closure. Feel free to adopt this story or something, because I hereby declare this story to be on hiatus. Might continue it later, though.**


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